A Letter to Chitkali

I don't know what in your future would exactly happen. What I know is you need and deserve a life partner more than you are having your present imagination. We are almost same and expecting good is not bad, but what I know is your partner would be very caring because however you get married I would say before you choose your life partner you must talk to him. I know our parents even my parents too would not allow me to get frank to their future son in law still I would try to convince them. I would straight forward tell him what am I exactly expecting . Before that I would like to to find out what and how the boy is. It is very much important that the boy you are going to open your book understands you and listens you. I promise you I would surely be your personal Byomkesh Bakshi to find out wheather the boy deserves you or not.

Seeing this wedding season all around, we have our plans regarding our weddings, every individual has no doubt, but our generation has seriously been in several relationship weather it is a bond of love or the bond of friendship that was wrong somewhat. It was a lesson and how we should treat people and know how they treat us. We all have been and so many bonds but never mixed up the emotions. This means we never felt the same for any other person in our life.

Not even the way we treated or felt for someone who isn't there now in our life. If anything is getting toxic just start getting rid of that toxin. Everyboay we meet is already in some kind of toxic bond or would face that someday, but should not carry that always. When you choose you partner do keep this in mind . Family does matters but your life is also important to them. See, imagine and plan things for yourself you will surely make all of them come true because you are not worthless. I am with you. You reminded me of our unwanted talks and trust we are having since the day we met, what I remember is thought I used to be angry with you still after days I got your back! Chitkali I miss you! Hope to see you soon!

And remember I am always there for you anyways and always😘😘

With love

A special bond between us.🌻🏔️

PIKU: Part of life

To the readers,

You must be thinking that the whole write-up is about the movie PIKU, you know this after the movie. But I know this since 2003. He is 5 years younger to me. My paternal uncle’s son. His nick name is PIKU. The movie PIKU is none other than is all about parenthood. I watched the movie just before I started writing this. I felt like I also have a responsibility sooner or later it would be effective. Every child has a major responsibility towards their parents but what makes me more concern is I am a single child, that too single girl child. This blog is not my diary but not less than a diary too. We all must keep this in our mind that yes our parents are the reason for what we are today. I always feel responsible whenever I look his face.

 

Coming back to PIKU. He is my younger brother. When he was born I was super excited I don’t remember the chant but I remember the sense well. God! Oh Lord! Please make me happy please get my family a baby and the secret part which nobody knew was I wished for a baby boy to be with me by my side. It is all about my story about how I got my little brother who is taller than me right now. I miss him very much. As I am a single child I never knew when my aunt got her stomach to increase its size but that time I was made to pray the whole time that god please give me a baby brother soon. I considered 2 classmates at that time. Sweta and Smruti they both were my classmates and our fathers were in same dept. serving Indian Railways. They both had a baby brother that time I don’t know why but I also felt the same that is I must have a baby brother alike them.But who knew I was going to have a brother from different mother. Then on June 13, 2003 my prayers were actually fulfilled by God I was gifted with a baby brother. It was late evening my mother served me dinner and left somewhere. As I innocent child I knew nothing after moments after I had my dinner my father or my uncle took me to a domestic clinic it was the place where my aunt gave birth to my best gift. I was the last one that evening to see my baby brother. It was a full moon night I only had a glimpse of him and somebody brought me outside he was shouting so sharp I don’t remember what I felt that moment but later on I was staring at moon, this was the best feeling ever. That night I returned home with someone I don’t remember because I was 5 then a tiny fat kid (not kidding I was super healthy). The next day I was very excited to see him again. To be exact on the second or third day I finally went to the clinic to see him. He was so small that I felt I cannot hold him. He slept smiling. He smiled a lot while sleeping too I recalls the time when he used to get to eat he smiled, then he slept he smiled. The question in my mind was how could he smile without knowing what happiness is. I felt it as a very big responsibility to make him learn about what happiness is, but all my efforts were flown away by myself I could not believe when I was asked to name him. Their was another baby on the same clinic who was born on the very same day my brother was born. I named him/her with the same P lettered word. But I loved the name and my brother PIKU. The best part is we everybody calls him with this name rather than his real name Jogesh (Yogesh). Some mistakes are good actually. When I was small I knew his name as Yogesh and regretted it as we were siblings but our name was not having same initials. Thanks to our accent I came to know about this later that all his certificates contains Jogesh not Yogesh. My every childhood wish has always been a gift to me in real life. Some things I have dreamt of some I have expected every single thing got a proper place in my real life. I have all the memories. Gradually my little brother grew up and so was I. When he came to our home at Bhubaneswar I was happy that he is going to stay with us forever and the day he left for village I turned exact opposite with my feelings as well as emotions. I had to change clothes wash my hands before holding him and had to take bath after I am done with playing with him. His Naamkaran sanskaar is my all time favorite because I have proof that I held my brother. We both seemed to be of same height. I used to take care of him whenever he visited with granny to Bhubaneswar. Now he is grown up, I miss him childhood acts, selfless full of happiness. Now I don’t really know if he has a mature mind but yes he can deal with situations more calmly then I can. He has more responsibilities than I have, he is younger than me but looks older when we stand together. What we both have in common is our faces never changed its still the same as it was when we were small kids. I have some dreams to make true for him when I start earning, I have so many things to do for that small kid I wished and waited for. I miss you though you cannot this still I will always miss you.

Letter to Teddy Teacher...

Dear Teddy,

It's been long since we have talked, had a word or two but yes every time I pass by your bed it makes me to miss you when the whole room was empty during Deepawali I also missed you teddy bear. Whenever i cooked you always had a bite no matter if you were in a mood or not but still this is not the moment that makes me to remember you but something else that is missing.

The day when I first saw you made me feel we are never going to match or even start talking.

A fat chubby girl with her own stuff and a different world who hid a special area of hers within her was out after days of initial college days.

I don't know how? Maybe you also have no answer but somehow it's the connection and the memories we have together that's what makes me to crave for you.

You are no less than mu boyfriend that chubby girl with pimpleshwari all around her face of hunger at mid night and chocolate syrup with fried rice. Every word everyday you have it all. Your silly actions, your stupid activities while working seriously to cheer up and many more.

This time when I am @chitkara university I remember how we played and were enjoying last time but this time you are not even her. Even you miss us very much but I think you cannot match the level of mine at this moment.The bond the friendship you share with everyone is what made me to believe in college life friendships.

Here no individual’s match a bit but to get a match with those who don’t match to you is what I learnt from you.. get into those with whom you were not supposed to.. and much more… the smile you bring out by cheering me when I am down is what motivates me to cheer me up myself when you are not around. You not only make me to miss you but also made me to learn some of the things to do myself when you are not around.

Thank you for being here in my life during my college days. You will always carry a special part of my life my heart and every other event that I don’t share with anybody easily. If you remember I always made you taste whatever I cooked or whatever I experimented and you never complained about rather I improved them and you always welcomed them. Those moments of clicking pictures and selfies, learning camera and many other.

I do miss you hope to see you soon and get you Teddy bear hug.

In this world of technology I would still prefer to write a letter to you but that would not reach you distance matters.

Its our last year and I am worried whats next.

See you soon. 

Love you always

Again.

She was about to leave for a trip and completed her last page of diary... Packed it with a flower and hid it in her safest place her mom knew what she keeps and where she keeps but she never found... Her trip went well she came back to read her notes but as she reached home she forgot about it... Busy in her household chores time flew by one day she craved for a poem she was super excited that she had a complete Book of her own writings from childhood to the day before her trip she quickly jumped off her bean bag and searched for her Diu that's what she named it... As the moment came she found her diary she found it in a condition she broke... The whole Diu was eaten up by termite the whole book full of emotion was no more her Diu died she cried from her heart it was not just a diary it was report card a book of happiness and sadness that never left her side that never judged her because she herself judged herself... That day she decided not to write again and left her mood of writing... Days passed years passed one day she was away from home she left and in mood to come back soon but she didn't return. Her heart was dying to do something she tried everything but all her efforts went in vain she was getting irritated she had nothing to do but her mind was not letting her to settle down what should she do was the biggest confusion... She searched and found her that pen. She picked it up and kept it aside... The moment she picked it up an idea striked her again her brain asked "should I??can I ?? how could I !!... I never promised not to hold a pen I never promised not to pen down my emotions" so that moment had a spark she picked up her pen and started writing again that day her hand felt no pain neither did her brain she was sleepy but her eyes were awake she was smiling her heart was happy she did something that nobody could stop her from she started again and is continuing still now... Her emotions are felt through her words... those are not just her words it is her feelings that cherish those gone moments...

An Ode to Home

If I ever knew that was the first and last time I was kissed back,

I would never have allowed you to kiss me.

If I ever knew that warmth of your hug was for the last time,

I would never have hugged you.

If I ever knew this was the last time I am watching you sleep smiling,

I would never have fallen asleep beside you.

If I knew it was the last time I was arranging everything here,

I would have messed up all those things.

If I knew this was last time I was waiting at my favorite place,

I would never have made it my favorite.

If I ever knew, that was the last time I am steeping out of my house,

I would never have explored the world.

If I ever knew that was the last time I am eating late here,

I would never have served that plate.

If I ever knew my gifted colors will remain unused,

I would never have accepted them.

If I ever knew my foodie demands are being fulfilled because this is the last time I am eating from her hands,

I would never have let her to make me eat that time.

If I ever knew you can't hold your tears when am not around,

I would never have boarded the train.

If I only knew all this would happen when am grown up,

I wish I remained a child...I wish I remained a child.

Bandhan

Na bhai ke sath rahi na hi behen ke
Rahi jinke sath raha sar par unka hath...
Pal bhar k lie v unhone mujhe nazron ojhal nahi kia..
Door kia bhi toh dil ko taar taar kia...
Suna hai Har subah unki meri sham se hoti...
Sham ko roz unse do pal ki batein jo hoti...
Ghar pe rehti toh hulchal bani rehti thi
Ab door gai toh diwarein me naraz ho baithi...
Darwazon ko jaise uski talab rehti hai
Maa ka dil Bas ab uske ane se darwazon ko kholan ki aas me rehti hai...
Bacha nahi ghar ka ek farishta chala gaya...
Ghar se bacha nahi sharir ka ansh chala gaya...
Wo aaegi dobara use apne bahon me daboch lungi...
Unn dino ki tarah apne godi me sula lungi..apne godi me hi sula lungi...

आखरी पड़ाव की ओर

अक्सर यह दिन मुझे याद आएगी 28 june बहुत याद आएगी आज का ही दिन था जब मेरे घर से मेरी विदाई हो गई. घर ने विदा किया घरवालों ने नहीं, उसका अभी वक्त नहीं आया था ऐसे कैसे विदा कर देते... माता पिता ने पड़ोसियों की नहीं सुनी यह नहीं सोचा की "लोग क्या कहेंगे" बस मेरा और अपना सपना पूरा करने के लिए भेज दिया मुझे... आखरी पड़ाव तो अभ बाकी था मैंने entrance कहाँ दिया था, कहाँ मैने यूनिवर्सिटी में एडमिशन कराया था अपना. पर ट्रेन में चढ़ने के बाद मेरे हाथ में एक पेपर का बंडल थमाया और कहा की जब छुट्टी का पता चल जाए तब इसे घर भेज देना भरोसा तो देखो अब तक डेस्टिनेशन के लिए रवाना भी नही हुई थी पर सपने पूर से हो गए थे अभी गई भी नहीं और यहाँ वापिस घर कैसे आना हे इसकी चिंता शुरू हो गई थी. पापा थे भला कैसे अपनी एक लौती बेटी को छोड़ देते . आँखें भर आई थी पर कमज़ोर नहीं पड़ना था वरना सामने खड़ी बेटी रो देती . माँ साथ में आ रही थी मेरे, उनको तो फिर भी वक्त था मेरे साथ गुजारने को. मैं अपनी सहेली के साथ ट्रेन से उतर कर फोटो निकाल रही थी तभी पापा ट्रेन से मम्मा से मिलकर आकर बोलते हैं चल टाइम हो गया अब ट्रेन में चढ़ जा शायद यह बोलते-बोलते उनकी आवाज़ भर आई . इशारे से आगे कहा, फिर कहा पता है तु ऐट्रेंस क्लीयर नहीं कर पाएगी फिर भी अपनी पूरी ज़ोर लगा देना पिछे मत हटना कोई सवाल मत छोड़ना और इतना बोलते ही ट्रेन की हॉर्न बज उठी एक बार नहीं कई बार बजी पर ट्रेन छुटने का नाम नहीं ले रही थी ना जाने कितने  सपने पूरे होने वाले थे पर साथ ही कुछ रिश्तों पर असर पड़ने वाला था साथ ही कुछ रिश्ते और मजबूत होने वाले थे कुछ और भी ज्यादा एक दूसरे को याद करने वाले थे. आँखों में भर रहे आँसू को ट्रेन मुझे दिखाना नहीं चाहती थी और इसलिए झटके से ट्रेन चालनी शुरू हो गई. झटका ज़ोर का था इसलिए मैं अदंर आगई डर के मारे कि कहीं पापा के सामने न रो दूं. पापा टूट जाएंगे फिर दो पल में ही वापिस दरवाज़े पर ही बाए बोलने के लिए आगई वह भी बिना रोए. मैंने कहा बाए और चल पडी अपने आखरी पडाव की ओर..